A Hybrid Faith

Six or eight months ago when someone told me to ask God for exactly what kind of car I wanted in minute detail,  so that when I received it, the answer was clearly from Him. This was when I was having engine trouble that required close to a $1,000 worth of work... I already knew I wanted a Kia Soul. But without thought, out of my mouth came the words, "the gift of an electric blue Kia Soul hybrid." The fact that a hybrid Kia Souls did not exist simply told me that the time for that gift had not yet come. So I fixed the car. But when I was so clear about the kind of car I wanted, even though my friend had said to be detailed, he immediately got nervous and said that I should allow for God to answer prayers creatively, in the way He wants to. I told him I agreed in general, because there are times when we want something that is not  good for us…, or because God, seeing the grand picture, knows so much better. Yet because my friend was the one who asked me to go all "minute detail," he didn't get to have it both ways. 

But the truth is I didn't answer the question my friend asked, God did. I had no premeditation of an electric blue colored car or a hybrid. I had never seen a blue Kia before (turns out at the time they had chosen that color for the purely electric Volt only and there were a few on the road, but not many).  So that made me just a mouthpiece, not even a Wisher.

As soon as I was hit in this recent car accident, and had a few moments for my head to clear, I said, "Really God, you couldn't give me a new car through theft?" (Don't worry, He gets my sense of humor! He gave me this sense of humor!)

Now a month after my car was totaled I still don't have a replacement car, for the first three weeks mostly because I was unwilling to drive with numbness in my legs that could put myself or others at risk. So I borrowed rides from incredibly generous friends, until the right leg got steady feeling, then I borrowed a car for a week. 

But time and reality press upon me and I know a decision about how to next ACT must come soon. So I pray to know what to do! Do I try to buy a car? Do I wait and perhaps a gift of a car not come. Do you know what that prayer sounds like?  I doubt it. I do not pray for an electric blue Kia Soul hybrid. I pray that I do and be everything, and only, what God wants me to do and be. 

You see, I am not praying about a car or a gift! I am praying, begging, that when those words came out of my mouth I heard from God and he made a promise that he will fulfill. I am not asking for an easy way out of a difficult financial place (and it is a very difficult place), or a way not to act. I am longing to see the EVIDENCE of Faith (of things not seen). I know that to some this comes out sounding as if I am a monster of faith. And I TRY to be that, TRY to thank Him in advance. I say, "I can't wait to see how you are going to do this God!" 

But the truth is words like that come from a practice I started many months ago in which I would ask myself, "IF you were content in everything and IF you believed with all your heart, then what would that prayer sound like?" At the time that practice began to change my prayer life, my praying attitude and my outlook on life - from a needy doubting place to a trusting hopeful place.

That prayer now hovers somewhere between those two extremes. I am not praying about money or transportation – though both are blessings I could use. I am desperately needing to know that I recognized and can differentiate God's voice from my own. 

And yet, even as I wait upon God's direction and answer (and gift in whatever form that may be), it is true that there still is no such thing as a Kia Soul hybrid... not in my parking spot, not on dealers' lots, and as far as I know, not in the plans of the manufacturer. This is truly the place where faith and reality butt heads. So I wait for my insurance company’s small check to clear the bank for the purely monetary value of a 2005 PT Cruise with 139.000 miles on it (a miracle in itself), of so much greater value because that huge heavy front end saved my life. It and of course the plans God has for me on this earth.) Until then, and until God leads, I wait in expectation of a miracle the depths and "How?" of which I cannot possibly fathom.

So like a “hybrid Faith” I slip between the exactness of the prayer and the freedom for God to answer in a better way – switching back and forth perhaps not seamlessly, but as the situation seems to require at the moment. Yet with an expectancy that surprises even myself!

Be blessed My Purposeful People! Heather Wearable Art - Heather J Kirk's VIDA Collection: http://shopvida.com/collections/heather-j-kirk and https://artofwhere.com/artists/heatherjkirk Art by Heather J. Kirk http://heather-kirk.pixels.com and http://AEC.pixels.com Literature by Heather J. Kirk http://www.photographicartistry.citymax.com/Books.html